But not everything could be seen with a bright side.
“I could have spent these days at the hospital, but not much of a difference would have been made,” she continued. “I was still seen by doctors at home, silently twisting their negative words into positives, thinking that everything might still turn out okay. Finally, I had a pretty bad night in bed, after a not-so-great ultrasound, where I was bleeding a bit more than even my abnormal amount… The fluid around Jack had become very low — he was barely able to float around. At some points, I swore it was so low I could lay on my back and feel his arms and legs from outside my belly.”
She remembered the heartbreaking message her doctor told her. “After a couple nights at the hospital,” she recalled, “my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming — it was time to say goodbye.”
“He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either,” she expressed. “We had tried bags and bags of blood transfusions, every single one going right through me like we hadn’t done anything at all. Late one night, I was told it would be time to let go in the morning. I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness.”
She added, “Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again. Oxygen was placed over my nose and mouth, and that was the first picture you saw. Utter and complete sadness.”